Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
