I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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