I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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