So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
time to smoke my breakfast
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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