we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
