dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
