i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
