I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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