K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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