stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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