there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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