MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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