I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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