I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
