I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
