I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
