Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
that is very illegal...i love you.
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