At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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