That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
