I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
