3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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