if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
