I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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