I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
