This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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