ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
