my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
