what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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