dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
