why didn't you poke me back
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
