your room smells of hookers.
And success
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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