i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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