i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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