I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
