Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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