When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
