...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
