so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
