ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
