I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
