why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
porn star boner night. come get it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
