I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize