So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
