My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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