I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
