i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
