worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
