Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
