I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
