Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
