Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
