Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
