get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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