YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
