We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
