Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
