It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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