if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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