I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
