He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I will be naked everywhere
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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