yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize