My first STD was from a foam party
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize