i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
