So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
