i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
