Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
