'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
