totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
